Hot news yesterday – Kylie Jenner confesses to using ‘lip fillers’ for plump pout as reported by countless media outlets.This from NY Daily News:

Her insecurity reflected through her fans, who tried their best to mimic her new look through the Kylie Jenner Lip Challenge, in which they suck on a shot glass or plastic cup for a few minutes to temporarily create the illusion of fuller lips, which are essentially engorged with blood. Some of Jenner’s devotees went so far they actually injured themselves.

Well, over the last few weeks when Jenner shared with the world her apparent secret to full lips, a lot of people cared and quickly jumped on the bandwagon to try their hand at beauty. Latching on to a free way for the common gal to be as beautiful, maybe as popular, as Jenner. But apparently, her beauty secret was a lie – which she just matter-of-factly revealed. There is so much wrong here.

Here’s Jenner:

Here’s what happened to some of the challenge-taking girls: The cost?: From Eonline:

“The new trend in trying to DIY lip plumping is quite concerning,”  Dendy Engelman, a dermatologic surgeon, tells Seventeen. “Not only can significant pain, swelling, and bruising result from these suction techniques, but there is potential risk for scarring and permanent disfigurement with repeated attempts.”

I don’t know about you, but those pictures make me sick to my stomach. I’m grieved at the core of my soul that girls would go so far as to damage their unique and true beauty in order to stake their claim by connecting with and trying to look like fame.

Here’s the rest of the story and why I dove into this toxic topic of comparison in I’m Happy for You (Sort of … not really): on the other side of what we’re duped into believing is beautiful or necessary or affirming – is a lie. Not only the lip-challenge, but all the other tricks of the trade. A lie that not only can cause literal physical pain, but much deeper emotional scarring. NONE of it is worth pursuing.

I have the conversation often with my daughters (especially on body image as they navigate the turbulent teen waters) but also with my boys (as they travel the same route – in the form of athletic accolades, cool, outward appearance – did you know men struggle with outward appearance issues as much as women?!) … and with myself! (My word, put the oxygen mask on myself first before trying to help those around.)

Here’s one of my conversations – an excerpt from the book that I hope will encourage you. And give you a mental reboot as you, your kids or friends are tempted by the world’s message that you have look a certain way to be okay. Because the truth is, we don’t. Even though we’re all just a flesh-wound away from Jr. High insecurities.

Each of us carries a mental mirror, a reflection of preconceived, often skewed ideas about how we look and how we should look. Our mental mirrors more often than not tell us lies that send a crushing blow to our contentment.

How is it that we give the mirror such power over us? In reality, it’s nothing more than a tool that functions in accordance with the law of reflection, which

“says that when a ray of light hits a surface, it bounces in a certain way, like a tennis ball thrown against a wall. …

With a mirror’s smooth surface, light reflects without disturbing the incoming image, which raises an interesting question: If mirrors preserve the images that hit them, why do they turn left into right and vice versa? Why not up and down? The truth is that a mirror doesn’t really reverse left and right. What mirrors switch is front and back, like a printing press or a rubber stamp. Imagine writing something on a sheet of paper in dark pen and then holding it up to a mirror. It looks backward, but it also looks the same as if you held it up to a lamp and looked at it from behind. Your mirror image is a light-print of you, not a reflection of you from the mirror’s perspective.

I love the concept of a “light-print” because that just might be the answer to my love/hate relationship with the mirror.

What if I switched mirrors? What if I considered my true reflection to be found in the way God sees me, not in how I see myself? What if I allowed my reflection to be informed by God’s light rather than the shifting light of societal values? Isn’t’ the message of each individual’s innate worth the one I really want to pass on to my kids? the one I should consider for myself?

My children entered life with a unique personality, on display almost the minute they were born. (Exhibit 1: a certain baby who came into the world on her terms after fourteen hours of hard labor continues to be nearly immune to the expectations of others.) So, too, their body types seemed predetermined to some extent. I’ve had to cajole and convince one of them that she’s 100 percent fine the way she is.

“Sweetheart, none of us look the same,” I struggled to explain. “Let me ask you a question.”

“Okay,” she said.

“Do you think I’m fat?” Okay, so I’m just going to say, that’s a scary question to float. My perception would tempt my thoughts to land on a pathetic yes. But I really do know better.

“No,” she said honestly. “You’re not fat.”

“All right,” I nodded. “Now stand me next to Mrs. Cash. Just for a minute think about her. Next to her am I fat?”

She didn’t say anything. Maybe afraid to hurt my feelings.

“Honey, Mrs. Cash and I have totally different bodies.” She is naturally thin. Her build is totally different from mine. “Her thinness has nothing to do with me. Her body type doesn’t affect whether or not I’m thin or fat. But sometimes we get stuck believing that a particular standard determines whether or not we are okay. And more times than not, that standard has nothing to do with us.”

She was thinking and digesting. I was wondering if any of it would stick. It’s hard being a young girl, especially in an era when people airbrush their own selfies to create higher cheekbones or thinner legs.

“You yourself said that I’m not fat,” I reminded her. “And neither are you.”

What if … we were to focus not on trying to fix the things that aren’t quite right but on appreciating the things we do have going for us.

(excerpt from the new release I’m Happy For You (Sort of … not really): Finding Contentment in a Culture of Comparison.)

What light is informing your reflection? Let’s ditch the lie and reach for Truth. Then share it with others in need who just might be sitting in the Starbucks or carpool line right next to you.

Thanks for walking the road with me.

-Kay

Don’t take that bait. Comparison has a nasty tendency to steal our joy.