So many times I wonder, “Who came up with that?” And “Did they even think it through?!”

I mean seriously. The number of things I could live without as a mother continues to rise. Not because they’re bad things. But because I constantly find myself digging out of a hole upon encountering them.

Like…

The Tooth Fairy

Who came up with that? It’s such a sweet idea. One that conjures happy memories from our childhoods. A tradition built on innocence and milestones and growing and … money. Because for a kid, it’s all about the money. Getting money. Then comparing the money to what their friends get. Or what they got for another tooth.

Did whoever came up with the Tooth Fairy consider for a moment the parents?! Especially in homes where multiple children reside?

“Boy… the tooth fairy must be really busy.”

“Huh?” replies frazzled mother as she juggles people, places and things.

“Yeah… the tooth fairy. She forgot again.”

“Tooth Fairy?” says mother.

“Yeah… Remember… I lost my tooth a week ago. I keep putting it under my pillow.”

“Oh – your tooth…” Mom sweetly replies while thinking, “Oh my word! His tooth!! Please tell me I didn’t forget again!”

“She must have lots of others to see. I guess I just get forgotten.”

“Oh honey….Noooo … It’s ummm… It’s the weekend. You may not know it, but the Tooth Fairy doesn’t work on the weekends. She only comes during the week.”

“That’s what you said a few days ago, except it was the other way around.”

“Whaaaa….” says mother, again stuffing a few responses about herself to herself.

Candy at the Check-Out Lines

I understand why someone came up with this one, but does it have to be a mile long? Yesterday while snaking through a labyrinth of must-haves in order to check out at the front of Office Depot…

“Oh! Look. Smarties,” says one sibling to another then looks to Mom, “Can I have a pack of Smarties?”

“No.”

“But they’re only fifty cents.”

“No.”

“I’ll buy them myself.”

“No.”

“What about Skittles?” chimes in the next kid.

“No.”

“Rollos?” adds another like an orchestra adding instruments in a grand crescendo.

“Gummy Bears?” excitedly adds the next.

“SOUR PATCH KIDS?” offers another gaining momentum at the prospect.

“BOTTLE CAPS??!!!”

“NO!!!” yells frustrated mom. “NOTHING! You can have nothing. And not another word!”

“M&M’s?” excitedly floats the youngest, a little slow on the up-take.

Compartments in the back of the car

No adult graces the last row of an SUV with his/her presence. So why are there compartments along the edge? Completely out of the reach of any thinking-beyond-the-present-moment person, they beg for stuff. Stuff usually in the trash category. Trash that needs a receptacle outside of the car.

After days, and I’m talking days, of wondering, “What’s that smell?” in our car… After searches that unearthed what had to have been but wasn’t the culprit – a pair of sweaty socks, a wet towel, some small cowboy boots that tend to be worn without socks, one of those back of the bus compartments revealed the secret treasure and source of odor.

With the smell of dead rodent stinging our eyes, we finally pulled over after two weeks of, “What IS that?!” and we began to comb over every inch of our car.

How lovely that buried beneath benign paper trash, in the compartment next to the furthest back seat in our car, a container of Chick-Fil-A grilled chicken nuggets revealed itself. Apparently, it had been deposited rather than discarded.

“I thought I threw it away,” defended the culprit.

“Oh my gosh… It’s so sick… I think its growing!!!” ewwwed the rest of the crew in unison.

Seriously – did the maker of those compartments consider for a moment who might be sitting back there?

PG-13 Movie Ratings

Oh my word. Keep it at PG or R. Who added PG-13? When could that EVER be a good thing? Does anyone see the “13” right there in the equation. Hello – involves a newly minted teenager. An often irrational, frequently immature but thinking he knows it all, person. A person who thinks that he or she has crossed the coveted line into adulthood and has earned a rite of passage to see any and everything within such a category. They don’t see the 13 as anything but an invitation.

I’d like whoever invented PG-13 to come to my house and join in the mind-numbing conversation as we “discuss” the merits and lack thereof and solidify my standing as “Mean Mom”. With five kids, I’m on Take-Two … I’ve got three more to go.

Snacks at little kid sporting events

… as if they can’t go for 45 minutes without eating … especially right before dinner.

Ribbons for EVERY place.

Not keeping Score

School events/reports/days requiring costumes

Designer labels for toddlers and teens (Their clothes cost more than mine and are so “I don’t think so” within months)

But on the flip side… people have come up with great stuff. Like remote controls, satellite radio, wireless printers, Costco, the microwave…

But my very favorite “who came up with that” is the camera on my phone. Not only do I not have to deal with finding forgotten rolls of film that I’ve never developed, I get to instantly capture the moment.

Thank you, whoever you are, for the wonderful video I captured this morning so I will never forget what my youngest does for me every single time I leave the house. I might be a bit numb to it, since he races after me every day… but I never want to forget the way he yells after me, “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! MORE THAN THE UNIVERSE! MORE THAN ANYONE! MORE THAN YOU DO”… pause …”AND I’LL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU!!” … “Okay  – Bye :) ”

Thanks for that.

– Kay