I’ve heard from a couple of incredibly encouraging folks who asked if I’d post the latest Say Something Show episodes.
Kathleen Fischer, author, registered nurse, certified life-coach, speaker, and a mom and encourager to many parents AND kids, stopped by to share her no-nonsense approach to tough issues that face kids and parents. In this Kitchen Chat, Kathleen tackles the topic of teens, alcohol, parties and parental roles. She touches on great ideas like:
teenage drinking “Is it a problem?”
teen-brain formation
Why are we assuming we have to drink?
real-life stories that offer insight and ideas
exit strategy – how to recognize the signals and how to leave
the idea of a failure resume – we all fail, what can we learn
Enjoy:
AND, sweet Thelma Wells dropped by yesterday to share her insight and wisdom on the importance of generational interaction and love.
Thelma Wells, known as “Mama T,” has been featured in D Magazine, Southern Living, The Dallas Business Journal, The Dallas Morning News and many more publications and TV shows including Dr. Phil, The Joanie Show, Life Today and the 700 Club. In 2016, she spoke for Women of Faith on the Final “LOVED” tour — traveling to 22 cities and reaching a half a million women.
NOW…Thelma has launched her “GENERATION LOVE:DIVINE EXPLOSION“ conference tour – Ahhhh-mazing! Say Something is beyond excited she stopped by to share her wisdom. A few tidbits:
We’re in a season where we’re obsessed with the differences – but here yuo come with the truth that there’s more same-ness than difference.
and
God gave each of us wisdom (understanding, we need to ask for) to be able to figure things out. The Lord gave each of us intellect to be able to share – each from their own perspective, each from their own history.
and
We need to look at what’s good in our families – we emphasize too much what’s not.
Our conversation can be accessed below. Please pardon the video difficulties. We had some issues that left us without the main recording – so this conversation is more of a podcast than vodcast. But for those who watch, there are a few fun things peppered throughout, even a fun trailer at the end so you can see Thelma having fun with her daughter Vikki.
Thanks for walking the road with me – even the video road. We’ll see how it goes.
If you’re in Dallas, come see us next week as we welcome author Melanie Dale at Barnes & Noble:
I just love thinking about the idea of Surrendered Wellness.
Bobby Rodriguez,
our guest on the Say Something Show (which is such a by-product of what we’ve been doing here at themoatblog – together – thanks to you guys for walking it alongside me and others!) brought the concept to my attention when thoughtfully/honestly contemplating the fine line between fitness and health.
To me, one of the coolest things about walking life’s roads together is that the people standing next to you, like a Bobby, have really given a lot of thought and time to something that is equally an issue in their own life as it is yours. And we can learn from each other. Draft off the legwork, but not in a parasite – but in a symbiotic way with our own thoughts that can often bring clarity to the one who has been digging out from trenches.
Knowing that Bobby has contemplated issues of/our relationship with fitness and health – especially as it relates to the truth about self-worth and identity found in faith, I was super excited he was willing to be one of our pilot shows. Quite frankly, anyone that signs on to Say Something is brave. They’re met with a pretty clean kitchen, but also a full dose of what-did-I-get-myself-into chaos and hilarity in the form of iPhones attached to dining room chairs, duck tape, make-MacGyver-proud balancing of microphones on books or candle holders, whatever is at hand. It’s a classy high-tech operation over here.
But actually – it’s just life. We’re all living it – so why not travel alongside rather than against. And Bobby really had me thinking this week. Not just me, I’ve had several folks touch base. Because what Bobby had to say brings with it such freedom – freedom from our natural obsession with self-image that so often steels our joy.
Here are a few that have kept me thinking, not only from Bobby:
Where we have to change as a society, innovating this path of understanding that the standard we are all trying to achieve is not how you look in relation to everyone else, but how you steward your body.
Stewardship – the simple definition of which, as defined by Merriam-Webster, is the activity or job of protecting and being responsible for something. Wikepedia describes it as: an ethic that embodies the responsible planning and management of resources. The concepts of stewardship are often applied to the environment and nature, finances, property, information, etc. How interesting, and quite possibly freeing, to apply it to the care and management of our body.
More from Bobby,
I found in a group workout environment what we all want – community. But in that venue, at the center is self. Me being the best-fit.
Why can’t we bring that into an environment, in the church, where fitness and wellness is associated with vanity so it’s avoided. The church addresses issues like pornography or an eating disorder, but we don’t necessarily push people in an area of stewardship that is so important. Stewarding the unique body gifted to us by God for God’s glory.
Each “unique body” – some that are naturally thin, some that at athletic, some tall, some short – all different. Yet culture sets a standard of perfection (that actually changes every decade – or maybe every season in this day and age) that we race after like greyhounds lured lap after lap around a track.
Sweet Erin Schreyer adds as she contemplates alongside Bobby (with Brenda Teele, me and the rest of you guys,)
Stewardship allows our relationship with our body to not be about us, a size, a number on a scale and all those things we can manufacture to to measure self-worth. Instead we can land on the fact that God gave me this body to live out a life on earth. Then go to – how can I steward my body to have the highest amount of energy, feel the best, communicate the best, think the clearest …
It’s a fun conversation that I hope blesses your day. This may not be a topic with which you personally struggle, but I’m guessing the person sitting on a sideline, parked in a carpool or standing next to you in the grocery line (eyeing the cart ahead of her with all its fresh produce and organically-grown goods that looks a bit different than the processed-menagerie of Goldfish and Gogurt cart she’s pushing – wait, that’s me :) is thinking about it. So why not say something – encouraging, uplifting, refocusing to help each other know that our self-worth runs so much further than skin deep.
One of the things we’ve been talking about around our house of late is mind-sight.
Mind-sight is a little something that involves seeing as well as hearing since it focuses on the way our minds picture situations. With me it can range from the way I see myself as I sing (or possibly dance) along with a song in the car (in my head I look good) to how I can feel SO less-than when I’ve forgotten to look at Attireon an invite and I show up casual to a Business (which in Dallas actually means cocktail/formal) event. My mind can trick me with with messages about identity and self worth that may or may not be true. (But my singing/dance-moves in the car is/look good – unless you ask the kids.)
Apparently, I’m not alone with mind-sight challenges.
Yesterday, when dropping off the kids at school, I said these simple words, “Wow, we got here in great time.” Because we had. Without speeding or any quick-stops, I made it with time to spare. By luck, we had made every light.
But what I said and what a kid in the back-seat heard were two very different things.
His response to my simple observation was: “IT’S NOT MY FAULT I COULDN’T FIND MY SHORTS!”
What?
“WHY IS EVERYONE MAD AT ME?!”
“Wait,” I stop him before a waterfall of excuses fills the car. “What did you hear me say?”
“You said that we were late because of me. And I know everyone is mad.”
“We’re not late and no one is mad – I promise.”
Here’s where mind-sight comes into play. What he heard wasn’t close to what I said. He heard an indictment on his character. I was simply commenting on how we weren’t going to be late. I had no idea what was racing through his head. Honestly, I was already in the car when the kids were final-gathering their things. I didn’t know he had been frantically searching for his shorts and super stressed about making everyone late. Because if we don’t leave by a certain time (7:32) the domino affect means that our last drop-off will likely be tardy.
“I didn’t even know you were racing for the car – let alone stressed about being late,” I assured him. “I was just commenting about our luck in making every light.”
“Oh.”
His mind had told him a story that he bought hook, line & sinker. He heard that in the race to school, he was at fault and, the clincher, that he was a loser. At least that’s how his mind saw it.
And usually our minds go negative.Rarely is mind-sight 20/20.
Lysa TerKeurst shared a little about our mental story-telling when we chatted earlier this week on SaySomething (a-come-as-you-are vodcast for walking life’s roads.) Here’s what she had to say as it related to a lovely Jr. High experience where not only was everyone invited to a party – except for her – they had matching pink t-shirts that they wore to school and into the carpool that took them to the party:
We all have a story. And we all have a story we tell ourselves.
So the story that day was – she (the birthday girl) probably just didn’t even think I was close enough friends with her to invite me to the birthday party, end of story.
But the story I was telling myself is: I’m never going to be good enough. Like I’m always going to have to navigate this feeling of being slightly left out, slightly forgotten or being completely overlooked.
She brought the story into today’s terms with social media and all that can fake-remind and instantly transport us to our Jr. High insecurities (that seem to be just a flesh-wound away) and the inevitable question – Am I good enough?
THEN, Lysa landed here:
Why in the world do I keep asking myself, “Am I good enough?” Because, God never intended me to just be good enough. God intended me to be better than that.
The good news – we’re not alone. I could relate to the kid in my car and the countless times I see and hear differently that what is actually being said. And I’m SUPER grateful to Lysa for so vulnerably sharing the truth about those inner feelings and equally importantly secrets to the promise of a better way to live. Like this beauty
She’s has more to say about the subject in her new book, Uninvited (already on the NYT bestseller list.) I have plenty to ponder along the way and share with my passengers, as well as fellow travelers. I relish the sight-adjustment my friends (and kids) send my way. Lots of freedom tends to be involved.
As the school year gets off to a start – I thought I’d share something that brought great joy (and a few tears, cue the tissues!) in our home over the weekend. In the shadow of the Olympics a little baking competition in Great Britain came to a conclusion. In the midst of societal chaos and hurtful banter, dignity & respect lived on the airwaves of public reality-television in an unlikely venue – a kitchen in a tent.
The Great British Baking Show offers an opportunity for amateur bakers to test their skills. Though many of the recipes and “bakes” (as they’re termed) land a little outside of our tastes here in the Texas (they enjoy loads of fruit in their cakes), a lot of it had our mouths watering and our oven pre-heating. Case in point, Sally baked us some Show-Stopper soufflés on Saturday afternoon, inspired by GBBS’ chocolate week.
The pinnacle of yumminess!
But more than that – the show itself (like our sorely missed Downton Abbey) offers a respite, of sorts, from societal/cultural intensity that so often loses sight of people it claims to serve or promote or protect.
But, before sitting down with my girls to savor the show’s finale, I happened upon a Charlie Rose interview with David Brooks (NYT syndicated columnist and author – his latest book on best-selling book, The Road to Character is just out in paper-back.) Maybe its’ due in part to this interview that the special nature of the Baking Show had even more of an impact and sweetness on us.
Here’s what Mr. Brooks had to say about societal discord:
Charlie Rose: What have you figured out?
David Brooks: There’s a lot of dislocation. There’s a lot of loss of dignity… everything is indivisible. There’s obviously a lot of economic loss, but it’s indivisible from a loss of pride. It used to be very possible to say, “You know, I may not be the richest guy on earth, I may not be the most famous guy on earth, but people can count on me. I have dignity. I do my job. I’m a certain person in this community who is upstanding.”
Charlie Rose: …I’m a good father…
David Brooks: A lot of people have lost that dignity code …and that becomes a crisis of status and self worth. And then there’s a sense that everyone is giving me the shaft. My employer gave me the shaft. I was in a job training program and they gave me the shaft. There’s just no trust, no trust.
Charlie Rose: Everything I’ve depended upon has let me down.
David Brooks: And one of the things, to a larger degree than I anticipated, a lot of it is the reality t.v. consumer culture that’s undermined the ethos. The ethos of working class dignity was almost an ethos that was almost an anti-capitalist – because you didn’t have to be the richest and have the most – it was about a code of responsibility….
Charlie Rose then follows up with the question – so, what’s the answer. Watch the interview to hear more – it’s worth thinking about because it takes us back to (which probably so much of what we do in life leads to) our identity and self-worth.
With that on my mind, I plopped down on the couch next to my daughter who had cued up and started The Great British Baking Show. We were ready and happy to sink into all of its loveliness.
The Great British Baking Show on PBS is wonderful for so many reasons: the propriety/decorum, the humor, the fun competition that celebrates each other rather than one over another, the beauty, the music.
Today’s culture could take a few cues.
In announcing and celebrating the winner we get to see – not excuses or frustration or a chorus of not-fair’s or it-should’ve-been-me’s or … (fill in the blank). No. Instead we see:
humility
personal satisfaction with a job well done, from the winner & the “loser”s
genuine Relationship
genuine care
happiness
love
renewed self-worth
inspiration
courtesy
family
(and again) fun competition that celebrates each other rather than one over another
Who would have thought – a reality t.v. show, that promotes the beautiful things in life, exists?! The beautiful things aren’t gone, they’re hiding right in front of us. They exist in relationship WITH people, not in life AGAINST people. They exist in dignity, doing our best whether it’s THE best or not, in personal responsibility, in thinking about and putting others’ needs ahead of our own. What looks to have gone missing is still there. We just need to remember to bring them back.
And we can. We have lots of avenues to practice, not only for ourselves, but with our kids.
So as school drop-offs begin, as end-of-summer draws nears, as we start the march toward a new years (it will be here before we know it), maybe some mindfulness is in order. We can bring back the dignity-code in classrooms, on athletic fields, in the lunchroom, in our own carpools. And maybe opt into the ethos to which Mr. Brooks referred: the idea of living a life of gradually working your way through and being a respectable member of society – along the way. Simple reminders that the pursuit of status at the expense of others (and ourselves) isn’t worth it.
