Some phases of life seem to be a bit more exhausting than others. The newborn no-sleep because they’re up all night years. The teen no-sleep because you’re up all night wondering-if-they’re-okay years. It’s funny, my kids don’t get it – as I’m sure I didn’t when I was there age – life is the easiest going when you’re in the schooling years. Though it seems a bit more on steroids than we we were kids, it still is as care-free as it gets.
Especially summer.
Summer offers all kinds of refreshment. And re-boots. Apparently, a few of you are using the break to get down to business and re-boot on the equipping front. Like sweet Amy in California who met a bit of resistance. Or maybe better described as a non-motivatable (ok, so we/I make up words around here. It’s that braincell depletion due to multiple visits to the Labor & Delivery Room thing. Why search for a word when you can make one up?!) kid. She asked on moatblog’s FB if I’ve experienced that issue in our home.
Ummm…. Yes.
Often.
And here’s what I think about that and so much encountered on this road. Remember, I’m in the thick of it just like you. So take it with a grain of salt and please feel free to share your thoughts.
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Hi
…Question for you? Do you have a kid who just won’t do their jobs? I have 4 kids. My 10 year old isn’t motivated by money or losing privileges. Any advice?
Amy - May 31
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Hi Amy … Oh, yes. I’ve got one of those. It’s weird. I don’t get it. And I so hope that at some point he checks in b/c he’s such a great kid with so much to offer. But on the other hand, though he seems oblivious to pitching in around the house, his diligence in studying is beyond admirable.
So as I swim upstream with that one … and get tired… and wonder if it will ever get easier. And as another one of my kids jumps in the unmotivated pool, I try to remind myself to remember the big picture and why it’s important for them to learn any of this stuff. It usually puts wind in my sails to remember that it’s not about the chores, but about grooming them to be independent, respectful, responsible. To run toward rather than away from challenges. To know that they’re a part of our family. That we need them. That our family works best when we work, laugh, play, struggle… together. Stuff like that.
Then for some reason, I can breath. It seems to put a little wind in my sails and their protests and slacky mentality don’t seem to matter as much. And I try to remember that there is no prescriptive or perfect way to do this parenting thing. But that training them is one way I can love them. So I keep on keepin’ on.
I don’t know if that’s helpful. If anything, I’m right there with you. And I hate to admit it, but I’m glad for the push back from my kids. It continually reminds me that I’m not in control … which, almost always lands me on my knees. And there I can rest a bit easier. Because, even though it’s hard for me to imagine, He loves these kids more than I do.
I’m so thankful to be walking this road with others. Arguably one of the greatest joys in every phase of life. When life was carefree and I spent my days at the tennis center hitting balls, dreaming and solving the problems of the world with friends. To now when it seems like there’s so much at stake, friends stay close by. But I don’t want to lose sight that people are involved in every phase. Such interesting people. Who crave to know and be known. Not notoriety, but just to no be alone.
So as we teach and train independence, I hope we never forget that one of the greatest benefits to all involved is the fact that we’re serving. Which, in turn, celebrates those on the receiving end. And in the craziest of ways, blesses the one serving.
Which is what MOAT Faryn shared with me last week. Here’s a pic of her kids. So funny. The one who has been diligently doing the dishes (his job) unknowingly became attractive … very attractive.
someone wanted in on the fun (yes fun… greatest thing about starting young, it’s still fun!)
Hilarious. Magnetic chores. Who knew?!
It’s always something. I guess that ‘s what makes this road so much fun.
As always, thanks for walking it with me.
-Kay
We are trying a new motivator this summer. For the regular chores that you do because you’re in the family and no, you don’t get paid for them…the kids get little glass beads (like you use for floral arrangements) to put in their own individual jar (washed out jelly jars). For example, if you do your weekly laundry chore: 1 bead. If you do your laundry chore without requiring to be hassled to stay on taskor complaining about it: 3 beads. Get yourself completely ready for bed all on your own: 3 beads. They are earning them for each page of math or writing they do also.
Then, when all 3 of them have a full jar, the plan is to do a big family reward. They suggested, “like go out for ice cream?” But I’m thinking bigger since I expect this will take all summer to fill the jars…a couple nights at Great Wolf Lodge. Its going well so far, but we just started it. I saw that my oldest had outgrown the sticker charts and wanted it to me more of something they encouraged each other through.
I like non-motivatable! I tell my kids that if they understand what I meant by the word I just said that it totally counts as a word (just ask Shakespeare!) Do you tell your kids all about your reasons for wanting to teach them life skills? Right or wrong, I do explain to my kids pretty much every parenting scheme I have in excruciating detail, and my speech on life skills is pretty much your response to Amy: “It’s not about the chores, but about grooming them to be independent, respectful, responsible. To run toward rather than away from challenges. To know that they’re a part of our family. That we need them. That our family works best when we work, laugh, play, struggle… together.” It does seem to help them want to pitch in and to learn instead of insist that I am training them as my slaves. Sometimes.