Hi folks … Sorry I missed posting earlier today (Tuesday)… I had a few technical difficulties. Maybe that’s my problem – technical difficulties. Yes… that’s it … “technical difficulties”.
Like yesterday where some strange channel took over our home’s regularly scheduled programming. Somehow a woman came on the screen. She (quite possibly me) was lining up her kids for a 3-in-one lecture (2 angels didn’t need it). After loudly and emphatically correcting each culprit (one whiner, one sulky/poor me/emotional manipulator and one homework slacker), a warning to stop was given followed by a looming threat of consequences for the next offense (ooooohhh!) and the crew slurked away. Except for one Teen Take-Out who took the lectures like a man, lightly addressed his offense and made me laugh. There that best medicine thing is again… so grateful for a kid with a sense of humor. He was the t.v. repairman who got us back on track.
Anyway … Here’s Jane’s Terrific Tuesday – What’s For Dinner. Hope you enjoy it!
Also, I’ve added at the bottom of this post a couple replies from our Ironing Board on a question floated the other day about dealing with foul language. You might not have that particular issue in your home, but rest assured we all have tricky areas of our kids’ hearts that need addressing. I had a couple doozers just yesterday. :)
At least Jane will keep us well fed.
Need a meal in minutes so you can get onto what matters….Ta Da….get ready for more super easy, some fast and fancy ideas to smooth serving dinner on your busiest days.
Bow tie pasta
+ Classico Pesto
+ chicken, cooked and chopped
= Dinner on the double.
The fancy finish, line a plate with spinach leaves, top with the pasta/pesto, I garnished it with peppers and pinenuts to glam it up for grown-ups. My picky eater kids love this.
Cooks Note: No time to cook your own chicken, buy the frozen grilled chicken and stir it into the cooking pasta several minutes prior to draining.
A big MOAT shout-out for bringing up the topic of foul language, something that might have been limited to the male teenagers, but has more than bled into our girls, too. Here are a couple responses from our “Ironing Board”. You can check out their bios by clicking Ironing Board. These ladies are so dear to field our questions. None of what they say is ever meant to judge… it’s meant to encourage and to spur ideas of ways to cope with a notoriously trying time in life (for our kids as well as us, their parents)… All in an effort to raise well-adjusted, productive citizens who might view life as a little more than the game to get ahead.
This is a tough one because when we hear our child talk this way it sets off an avalanche of emotions in us. First of all, I want to applaud you for wanting to get help. In today’s culture, many parents have ‘thrown in the towel’ and given up. Sadly, foul language permeates much of our kids’ world. The old adage is true—“Garbage in- garbage out”. When our kids hear this kind of talk from their friends and the media, it becomes a part of who they are. Much of them spewing it back is because of that very principle—garbage has come in and now it is coming back out. Secondly, realize that the brain of the teen is different than our adult brains. The teen brain operates from the emotion center while our brains more often function from the more logic and planning center of the brain. Putting this on a more practical level…when we react to our teen’s foul language, we often do so emotionally. That almost guarantees they will hear it from the emotion center of their brain and fire back with a strong reaction, and now we have set off a fire-storm. Neither one can ‘hear’ the other.
May I suggest that you take your teen out for a favorite snack. Talk about some neutral, fun topics. Gently bring up the topic of the use of language. Quietly say, “In our home, we understand the power of words. Therefore, we choose to use words that lift up and not use words that wound or degrade others. I know that you often hear words that are ones we don’t choose to use or approve of in our family. There will be consequences if you choose to use these words. I say this because I love you deeply and want you to be a person who makes wise decisions with his words. How may I help you to make these positive choices?”
Pray for God to give you a spirit of love, grace and gentleness when you talk with your son. Don’t use it as a time to lecture, but rather, to lead in the power of the Holy Spirit. You want to respond in a spirit of love and not react in anger. Remember, if you react with hot emotion, you will set off the emotion center in your teen’s brain. If you respond in love, you will speak to his heart. I know you can do this!
Co-author of Bonding with Your Teens through Boundaries
Someone told me years ago, to question the children when they are acting up, so as to get to the heart. Foul language is something we never had to deal with. However, now that Todd’s been in the ARMY a year, we may hear some slip-ups the next time we see him!
Words are a reflection of the heart. I would be concerned about why a 13 yr old would want to talk in a foul manner. If he is using the language b/c of peer influence, he needs a crash course in his identity being in Christ (if he knows the Lord). We are instructed to use gracious, loving words: Proverbs 12:25, 15:23, 16:24, 23:16, Col 4:6, Eph 4:29 “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
It sounds to me as if there is a deeper problem than just the speech. What is causing the anger? Is he frustrated – at home, at school? Does he feel loved and accepted by Dad/Mom? Is Dad the spiritual head of the home? Is he discipling his family and leading them through the Bible, instructing his son in manhood issues? (There are several good books on Family Worship). If not, this young man WILL seek acceptance from peers and gradually they will become the ruling influence in his heart. With whom is he spending the majority of his time? Perhaps he’s being exposed to a whole lot more than mom’s aware of.
My John turns 13 in January. I’ve noticed he NEEDS lots of affirmation, hugs, encouragement. We help guide his friendships. We are striving to make family time really special. This year we were convicted that we are to Honor the Sabbath. So, Sundays have become truly special, set-apart times for our family.