Coming in from a few errands, I walk by my summer-reading crew and head out the back door to give Wembley an outdoor break.
“Where’s Jack?” I ask the “readers” (they had long since zipped the reading for goofing around fun).
Within moments, I realize that I don’t have to search for the kid. As I looked out our window onto the backyard, I see a good bit of the bottom of our pool covered with rocks. Rocks that our Dad forbids being thrown into the tempting wet surface. Next I see a little culprit scurrying around from the side of the garage.
“Jack?” I question. “Jack… Did you throw rocks in the pool.”
Very matter-of-factly he informs me that Slow Walker did it. Considering the fact that Slow Walker has been playing at his friend’s house all day, that’s highly unlikely.
I get down on my knees and meet him at eye level. “Jack … Tell me the truth…. Did you throw those rocks in the pool?”
In his very next breath, he quickly chirps, “I sorry, Mommy. I sorry.”
He was just so darn cute with that little high voiced apology. I knew he needed some sort of memorable consequence not only for going against a very clear, known and understood no-rock-in-the-pool policy but also for a rather obvious lie. But he was just so cute. And he’s so sweet. I shrugged it off.
Later that evening I was recounting the cuteness when Jon came in from work. Not thinking it so cute, he went outside to interrogate the little offender. Even as I was recounting the story, I was convicted about my missed obligation to follow up his offenses with a consequence. I definitely had blown it.
After about 20 minutes (seriously 20 minutes), Jon came back in the house and asked me to help him outside. Apparently the kid has chosen to yet again lie, throwing his brother under the bus even to the point of wanting the brother to get spanked for the infraction. “Yes. Spank him, Daddy.” were his words when pressed on what punishment the rock throwing offender deserved.
Completely baffled at this uncharacteristic behavior, Jon came for my help (since he spilled the beans with me earlier) to get to the bottom of it.
Again, on my knees, eye to eye with the little guy, I ask, “Jack. Who threw the rocks in the pool.”
“Slow Walker.”
“We know that’s not true, Jack. He wasn’t here. Who threw the rocks in the pool?”
“I don’t know, who?”
“Jack. You did. Tell us the truth. Did YOU throw the rocks in the pool?”
The kid stuck to his guns blaming anyone but him. He actually went so far as to tell me that the rocks talked to him. After saying they wanted to be in the pool, they threw themselves in. Unbelievable!
Eventually, he broke. He admitted to his father that he did in fact toss the rocks then took the punishment that should have been distributed upon my conversation when he confessed.
Jon and I were floored at the time he spent and lengths he went to shift blame. We spent over thirty minutes getting to the bottom of his infraction that had long since taken a major backseat to his blooming lie.
So every kid lies… what’s the big deal? Well, as i considered the scene, what struck me the hardest was the fact that upon being given a lengthy leash (when I failed to nip his actions in the bud with a more than warranted consequence) … irrational, self-serving liberties are taken. What began as a little kid breaking the rules and telling a fib was taking on a sociology lesson.
When given a free “you’re so cute”, “it’s no big deal” leash, he took every bit of it and then some. He apparently decided that his rock antics were just fine, as was his brilliant effort to cover it up with a lie. The little one was fun, so why not make it bigger and grander. Enjoy every minute of his creativity with the truth – even to the point of ridiculous. Why not? The law was now on his side. The one kids today love to lock onto. I’m not getting in trouble, so why stop?
- What difference does it make that I’m only 12?! No one stopped me from going in that R-rated movie last time. I can see any one I want.
- The teacher knows we look at each other’s papers. Of course it’s fine to cheat.
- Everyone knows we’re slipping vodka into our Slurpees. No one says anything, so of course it’s not a big deal.
- The police know we have beer at these high-school parties. No one is ever arrested. So, what if it’s illegal?
- Her parents said it was fine for us to invite boys to the lake house for a sleepover after party. What difference does it make if we spend the night in the same room? Who cares if we’re in the same bed?!
All real examples from real kids and real parents. We know it’s only the tip of the iceberg. I’ve heard parents say things like, “I want them to learn how to handle their liquor while they’re living in my house.” Is that the right message considering the fact it’s illegal. Does it convey that they and what we want are more important than the law? That they are above the rules? Above the law?
When I gave my little liar a pass, he obviously took it as a free-ride card. Are teens getting the same message from our apparent social and moral passes?
Not to over-dramatize, I just found it a bit eye-opening, interesting and, as usual, worth considering.
Thanks for walking the road with me.
-Kay
Oh, seeing myself in this story. My son has recently begun disobeying by coming to hug and kiss and snuggle me before doing what I have asked him to do (or to avoid doing it completely). I know what he is doing, but have felt guilty about not letting him love on me. BUT since, as I said, I know what he is doing (or trying to get out of doing), I also know that I need to nip this little “cuteness” in the bud. Thanks for this reminder.
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Et spennende prosjekt du nå har gitt deg ut på!:-) Og Einar ble nok helt sikkert glad, ja:-)Herlig skap du har laget . Koselig med alt det gamle porselenet og krukkene.Og du som jeg flirte over innlegget ditt som god"medhjelper" til jegeren:-) Herlig skrevet!:-)Ha en flott høstdagKlem fra Hjørdis
Good grief, yeti… you’re talking about the OLDEN DAYS now. Or better described as the dark ages. Ha!My fame exceeds me!!!!I’m utterly gobsmacked to run into another Chimpster after all this time.Don’t take it personally, but I don’t remember ANY of the people from those days. Memory not what it once was… or maybe it is… I don’t recall. Bloody alcohol probably.There a two sure ways to tell if your brain has been damaged by the booze. First, your short-term memory goes. Then… um… er… has anyone seen my keys???Good times.
you just have to look at it from a different prespective , i don’t blame you it doesn’t make sense logically , but if you looked at it these points from another corner you’ll see that free speech is allowed, human rights are the best , women is respected and have rights, gays and lesbians to be helped , some movies accuse Islam with these stuff you mentioned , if you lived in a Muslim country you’ll see it’s all Lies , and srsly the Qur’an calls for peace to everyone , try to translate correctly
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To deepen your connection to the film I hugely recommend seeing it in IMAX 3D before it leaves the theatres. The otherworldly, depth effects that James Cameron created are 1000% more effective in this format over the 3D on the conventional screen. Run to see it again…for the first time. Smiles,Jim