Jon and I were cracking up last night.
Speed Police needed a check-up for volleyball. Of course, due to my complete lack of calendar management or, for that matter, paying attention to anything I need to be doing … I failed to notice she needed a completed form from the doctor outlining her health condition. Since we’re frequent fliers at the Pediatrician’s office, they worked us in. (Thanks, Tiffiany!)
Needless to say, I have spent many an hour sitting in the doctor’s office both at sick and well appointments. Before the iPhone, which has greatly reduced amounts of stress and boredom, I would get creative in the entertainment and germ containment department … often deploying my crew, wipes in hand, to “clean” whatever exam room we happened to be visiting that day. Countless games of “I Spy” were played. Many a song (themes centered on things in the doctor’s office) sung in and out of tune wafted through the vents to neighboring rooms … no worries, we won’t be lining up for American Idol auditions.
Check-ups have gotten a little dicier as they’ve gotten older. Remember I’m a tiny bit averse to “sensitive” issues … that have to do with “personal” things… you know what I mean. As the kids have gotten older, I’ve mastered the art of non-chalantly looking away or “not hearing” as more sensitive and potentially embarrassing subjects are broached. It’s a bit awkward. They still want you there, but at the same time don’t want you there… and sure don’t want you to say anything. I’ve had many the “MAAAHHM!!”indignantly mouthed and eye-rolled my way.
At every check-up, the mom walks away with a small load of paper. Most of which describes “normal” development for the age in question. When the kids were little, I would read every line, curious as to what might be around the corner. Searching the sections to make sure whatever funky thing going on in our house was happening in everyone else’s too. As the kids have grown, I’ve quit looking at that stuff… that is when I remember to get their check-ups.
Yesterday, I went through one of the many stacks on my desk (I consider stacks to be the badge of creativity honor), throwing away 90% of the contents. In one of the stacks were papers from our physical. The most interesting of which was the “Normal Development 12 Years Old” sheet. I showed it to Jon. That’s when the chuckling began.
We’ll skip the “Physical Development” bullets. I could mention unmentionables, but suffice it to say, I’ve only recently realized that I should have purchased some razors and demonstrated the art of shaving a while ago as sleeveless dresses were being tried on for my folks’ 50th anniversary festivities. Ooops.
Here are a few of the others. …
– may be experiencing sudden dramatic emotional changes associated with puberty
(might that explain this week’s uncontrollable crying when I woke her up?
“Good Morning.” I gently say as I wiggle her shoulders
Her head lifts from the pillow, “Did you wash my shorts?”
“No.” I innocently reply, while thinking “What shorts?”
“NEVER MIND!!! … JUST FORGET IT!!” she cries, dramatically burying her head into the pillow.
Not sure who that was, I decide to move on to the next room and hope a happier kid joins us for breakfast.)
– vacillates between maturity one moment, immaturity the next”
(One minute she’s giving the new girl at school her only p.e. shirt so the girl wouldn’t get in trouble, the next she’s licking her sister … then denying it.)
– wants parental assistance, but may resist when offered
(“Can you help me with my homework.”
“Just a minute, Honey … I’m in the bathroom with Jack (who, by the way has decided to potty train himself since no one else has! … poor kid)”
“Fine… mutter, mutter.”
“I will be there in just a second. He’s almost done. … Don’t be sassy.”
“Wha! … Forget it. I don’t need help.”
Me, walking in the room, “Ok. How can I help.”
“Didn’t you just ask for help? Really … I’m here. How can I help.”
“I already did it.” …silence.)
– is critical of parents
(as evidenced by intentionally audible sighs, over acted eye rolls, loud whispers from the back seat that communicate all the parental inconsistencies as they relate to her when compared to the favorable treatment everyone (and I mean everyone) receives but her … oh how that list goes on)
But beneath all the crazy stuff (so crazy that she has even asked me why she’s often over-emotional) lies a heart of gold. She’s the kid that naturally gravitates to the one child who stands alone on the playground, the kid who is literally moved to tears at the thought of her World Vision child who has no parents, the kid who methodically puts aside money for friends’ ministries overseas, and the kid who makes me laugh with her whacky ways (on that particular trait, that apple isn’t falling too far from the tree).
I know we’ll get through these rough seas. I just hope I’m quick to build her up instead of hopping in the choppy waters with her. I’ve got to remember to keep my sparring gloves and sarcastic come-back’s packed away for another day. Now’s not the time
Still … those wellness notes were funny.
Thanks goodness it’s all normal. I might have thought we were off :)
Thanks for walking the road with me.